Cement and Adolescence

I just found out my first boss died this month. I was 16, in between my sophomore and junior year, when I went to work for Morrell Larson's construction company. Morrell 's son Brian and I spent our high school summers pouring cement, tearing down buildings, shingling roofs, getting up at 5:30 to be on the job at 6, listening to KFYR in Bismark, and talking about girls, life, girls, music, Vietnam, cars, our futures after high school and girls. (Did I mention girls?)

Of all the practical lessons Morrell taught me, the most important lessons had to do with cement. Somehow over the years it became a metaphor for me, my parenting, and my work with parents and adolescents. Here's the core of Morrell's practical philosophy on cementology, and the Melheimian spin on how it applies to parenting:

“You’d better be awake and on the job. You want to have all the right tools you need clean and ready to go. Anticipate problems. You better have the forms in place before the truck gets there. Once it starts pouring, you've got to scramble, concentrate and give 110%. Take a good break after a good piece of work. You only have a short time to smooth things out. If you’ve got a big job, you’ll want to have a big team helping you. In the long run, it’s much cheaper to have too much help in place than too little. When things go wrong (and they will), don’t wast any time looking for blame – look for solutions. Expect to get a little dirty along the way. Don’t forget to clean up when you’re done.”

“And remember boys,” he’d say to us in his Old World Norwegian brogue, “…the longer it sets, the harder it gets."

Then longer it sets, the harder it gets.

So, what does this mean for parenting adolescents you might ask? Run this past anyone you know who works with cement and happens to have a teenager. See if they don't agree:

1. You’d better be awake, ready and on the job early.
2. You'd better have the right tools ready to go. (Regular communication. Consistency. Teamwork. Fun. Respect.)
3. You'd better and a good team in place (Multiple redundant support systems at church, in the family, in the neighborhood, at school).
4. You’d better have the right forms in place before adolescence. (Family rituals. Nightly faith practices like highs & lows, scripture, talk, prayer, blessing. A handful of completely inviolable rules. Healthy mechanism to deal with conflict.)
5. When you hit the problem times, blame doesn’t serve any good purpose. Look for solutions as quick as you can.
6. Once the truck gets there and it starts pouring (or the pituitary kicks in and the hormones start going nuts), you only have a short time to smooth things out. You'd better concentrate and work at 110%.
7. Take a good break AFTER a good piece of work.
8. Expect to get a little dirty along the way. It’s all part of the job.
9. Don’t forget to clean up. (i.e. confession and absolution every night when it is needed.)

10. “And remember parents… the longer it sets, the harder it gets.” (The longer you let an unresolved conflict go unresolved, the harder it gets to smooth things out.)

One lesson that was never spoken but that was always lived was Morrell's smile. He had a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face that made you think he really might like you. That's a lesson (and practice) every parent needs to intentionally, consistently add to their parenting arsenal.)

They buried Morrell the first week in March 2007 at a ripe old age of 87. We buried Brian, his son and my construction buddy, in 1976, at a ripe old age of 18.

Thanks, Morrell. You taught me a lot about cement.

And a lot more.

(PS. Say "hi" to Brian for me.)

 

Comments

[Becky Fox]

Rich,
Wonderful! I'm going to print and read this at my ChristCare meeting tonight. You say so much in so few words.
I love you,
Becky

[Peggy Larson Harding]

Hi Rich,This article is wonderful! Thank you for doing this. I am Brian's sister Peggy (remember me?!). It was a sad time for our family to lose our Dad but gives us peace knowing he is with Brian again. What you wrote really sounds like my dad, alright! Glad he made a positive impact on your life, too. Love, Peggy

[Sharon Leverenz]

Hi Rich,
Thank you for the wonderful article about my dad, Morrell Larson. He was a wonderful dad and was always there for his family and friends. I'm sure you are also a wonderful dad and mentor to many. God bless you in your ministry.

Brian's Sister,

Sharon

[Lyn Morris]

Hi Rich,
I was truly touched by the article you wrote about my grandpa, Morrell Larson. I am his granddaughter, Lyn, and was blessed to have learned so many life lessons from my grandpa. It was wonderful to hear how he and my Uncle Brian touched your life as well. My grandpa did have the best smile and a twinkle in his eye that we all miss. Thank you for your kindness.
With gratitude,
Lyn