The Melheimian Sabbatiblog

Today's Parenting Poem

Savor the good
And blow off the bad
The only way to live
If you're gonna be a dad

-RAM

A Poem to Paul on the Death of His Mother

Time will change the perspective, though not the pain
The appreciation, though not the situation
he son, though not the sonship
The loss, though not the love

Skiing, Kids, God & Space

I'm at Copper Mountain today, skiing with my 13 year old son.

Well, sort of. Let me rephrase: I'm at Copper Mountain today, not skiing with my 13 year old son who is skiing.

With Arlyce and Kathryn on the church Mexico mission this spring break, I offered my son some ski time in the state where we spent our sabbatical last year. He gladly accepted.

On Sunday morning he woke with a terrible cough and cold. "Maybe we should forget it?" asked the wary parent. "No way!" coughed the kinetic kid. So off we flew.

The first day was spent at Steamboat Springs. The powder there is at 72 inches - reported to be the best in 20 years. We met my buddy Arlen and his wife and son, sent the boys off skiing and spent the day at the lodge on top of the mountain reading, talking business strategy, and enjoying the coffee.

Joseph had a terrible night coughing and decided to lay low yesterday morning. In the afternoon we skiied Sol Vista together. Well, sort of. Three runs down the mountain, my 13 year old sun blistered son requested some space. "You're slowing me down. I don't want to wait for you at the lift."

So, in spite of the spite, I restrained myself and choose to give the kid some space. "No problem. Meet you at the chalet at the end of the day." It hurt to be rejected. I guess I had some unrealistic expectation of a father and son enjoying the mountain together. Great time. Great memories. You get the picture. I did a few more runs (I'm more green circle and blue square and he's more black diamond anyway) then sat at the chalet and wrote some devotions for a new home huddle resource we're unveiling soon.

We ate supper at a small wide spot in the road at a place called "The American Cafe: Featuring German and Mexican Food". It had Italian menus on the table and only took cash. He coughed a lot during the evening, but was awake bright and early for today's trip. We arrived at Copper Mountain 9 minutes before the lifts started running. I resisted the urge to say, "I am your father. I paid for this trip. I am going to have a fun day skiing with my  son whether he wants to ski with his father or not."

As we pulled in to the lot, I quietly surrendered the power and asked, "Would you like to ski together today, or explore the mountain alone?" He chose alone.

Ouch.

It's tough begin a parent and letting go, but I seem to remember something from Edwin Freidman about family systems. If I recall correctly, he said the person who does the most work in the relationship will always be taken advantage of. And the harder you work to hold on, the greater and greater the force you will be met with pushing you away.

So, I'm sitting in Starbucks logging onto my blog, looking at a beautiful snow-laden mountain on a sparkling 55 degree day, wondering how to be a good parent to a 13 year old boy who won't wear a hat and won't apply sun screen on his already blistering nose and won't ride on a chair lift with an old guy who is footing the bills and loves him enough to let him go.

Maybe God feels the same way about me some days.

Most days.

Dear God,

I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I know you're paying the bills. I know you love me.

Yes, I'll get off the internet now and spend some time with you today. Now.

Want to go skiing, just with me?

Swimming with Dolphins

Imagine you had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Imagine being told you had only one week to live. How would you spend your last days on earth? What would you want to do that you normally wouldn’t even consider? Would you go parasailing? Sky diving? Bungie jumping? Nascar racing? Swimming with dolphins? Who would you want to see? Where would you want to go? Think about waking up each morning. Would you jump out of bed with urgency to experience every minute of your remaining time? Or would you pull the covers back over your head and think “why bother?” Would you eat, drink, and be merry, trying to live to each moment to the fullest? Or would you find some small chapel on a hillside and sit alone in prayer and thought? If you had only 168 hours left, would the people who annoy you still annoy you? Or would you smile at them, forgive them, and bless them on their way? Would you try to take a quick revenge on those who have done you wrong? Or would you let their insults roll off your back like rain on a Scotch Guard umbrella and forgive them? Would you visit the people whom you had wronged (a la “My Name is Earl”) and try to make amends? Would you invest a single minute of that remaining time watching television and playing video games? Or would you try to watch sunsets, play the game of life to the max, and give yourself to others in ways that would be remembered? Would you give away your favorite possessions to those you loved? Would you hand out all your money to the homeless on the street? Or would you quickly blow it all on lottery tickets, electronic gear, and toys? Would you say “I love you” or “Jesus loves you” to everyone you met? Or would you talk about the weather, sports and the last season of American Idol? Would you sleep your life away or wake and never close your eyes? Would you video tape your life’s story to give the world something to remember? Or would you watch someone else’s video? Would you dance? Would you laugh? Would you cry? Would you sing? Would you love? Maybe you would no longer spend time on anything that didn’t ultimately matter. Maybe you would only invest those fleeting hours in things that would outlast you. Things that mattered. Family. Friends. Love. God. Giving. Maybe you would finally learn to live before you died.

He Qi Reception Tonight

I'm with He Qi at Yale Divinity School today and tonight for his Artist-in-Residency reception and the official opening of his Lenten art show at the Sacred Arts Institute Gallery. His 27 piece "Look Toward the Heavens" show is here through the end of April, if you need an excuse to visit New Haven for a little culture. Then it goes to Harvard for May, and on to the Global Mission Event for the ELCA, before heading out on a year of touring.

I tried to save $100 by flying Sun Country into JFK. Then I spent $22 to get from JFK to Penn Station, $39 to go Amtrack from Penn Station to New Haven, and $10 to taxi to Yale. I'll spend the same to get back to JFK. Spending $140 to save $100.

Maybe I should go into politics.

Dave's Leg

Our friend Dave Person of the Japanese Lutheran church just took his group on a mission trip to India. They are currently translating FINK into Japanese and will be showing off the first "Confession, Confirmation, Call" PowerPoints at their national assembly in May.

Drop him a line if you want to find out how the Americans, Japanese and Indians or working together in the body of Christ.

(PS The Connection: Dave replaced my dad's best friend, Rev. Richard Nelson, after his death at the mission. I'm named after this man of faith, who served as a missionary there for 45 years)

Mud

I was driving down a gravel road at a Bible camp in my dream. Three other guys in a Volkswagon. The week was just winding up and I was anticipating going home. Someone approached us on the road and said my ride home was waiting for me down at the lodge. The driver of the bug turned off the road onto the lawn. It was wet. He ploughed on in a large circle. I noticed the grass turning into mud. Then, without warning we were starting to sink. By the time I told them to open the doors and get out, the mud was up to the windows and the door wouldn't budge. I told them to open the windows and get moving. One guy slid out. I followed and only got half-way out.

Then I woke.

Darn it.

I wanted to see if I died.

I guess I'll have to wait.

Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls

Monty just told our staff they went in for an ultra sound to see how their baby daughter #3 is faring inside mommy Tracy and he came back smiling.

Seems that daughter #3, due in July, is actually daughters #3 and 4.

God's full of surprizes.

My Favorite Passover Things

Okay, this is funny.

Sing it to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from "The Sound of Music."


   Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes
   Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes
   Fish that's gefillted, horseradish that stings
    These are a few of our Passover things.

   Matzah and karpas and chopped up haroset
   Shankbones and kiddush and Yiddish neuroses
   Tante who kvetches and Uncle who sings
   These are a few of our Passover things.

   Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs
   Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows
    Matzah balls floating and eggshell that clings
   These are a few of our Passover things.

   When the plagues strike
   When the lice bite
   When we're feeling sad
   We simply remember our Passover things
   And then we don't feel so bad!

Caring Bridge Site

Lunch with Dale Francis, comedian, writer, speaker, real estate mogul, FINK Music Guilder, and all around great guy. Dale has started a foundation in honor of his daughter who died. While in the course of our converstations, he put me on to Caring Bridge. I didn't know it existed. It's a way people can find love, prayers, and support from all around the world in times of crisis. Check it out. You may know someone who would find it invaluable some day soon.